


times to tryst

by walkingonempty



Series: ninjas by numbers [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, anko gives life advice, kakashi is long-suffering, questionable attempts at (black) humor, sai and sasuke are still (awkward) bros, sasuke fails to be ravished, sasuke has issues but he remains a snarky little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-04
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-04-29 20:48:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5141993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkingonempty/pseuds/walkingonempty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which seeing your brother commit familicide at a young age may cause intimacy issues, psychotic breaks, and/or failed romantic relationships later in life even if you are an Uchiha. Five trysts Sasuke fails to have and the one he has that lasts. NaruSasuSaku crack, failed!Sasuke/others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	times to tryst

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters; they belong to Masashi Kishimoto. I don't get any money from this. 
> 
> Warnings/ author's notes: Team 7 poly crack-angst, Kabuto being creepy, black humor, Orochimaru/Danzo traumatizing people for life, Sasuke drinking too much, OOC!everybody, timeline-what-timeline?, and bad language/explicit content. Mentioned pairings are SaiIno, LeeAnko, Team Taka-cest, NaruSasuSaku, and failed!Sasuke/Others. Basically, if het, guy-on-guy, or poly offends you, don't read.
> 
> If you catch any typos, please let me know! I'm a lazy proofreader.

Sasuke knows that love and family and home mean shit; anyone who thinks otherwise is an idiot.

"Bastard," Naruto calls from beneath him on the ground, "you can't keep running all of your life. One of these days I'm going to catch you, take you home, and never let you go."

"Idiot," Sasuke sniffs as he rides away on his magical flying hawk. He isn't running away; he's floating through the skies like a king back to Orochimaru's hideout. Besides, Naruto never knows when to give up, even when it would be better for him to.

 Love and bonds, Sasuke knows, are zero-sum games whose only uses are getting fucked over and fucking others over. Sasuke has learned this the hard way; soon, Naruto and Sakura will have to learn the same.

  

oOo

_the one that blew up spectacularly_

It is the general opinion in Team Taka that the day Uchiha Sasuke takes his penis out and decides to have sex with it is the day that he also admits that leaving Konoha to apprentice himself out to a snake-obsessed sociopath who wanted his body for shady reasons was a bad life choice.

That is to say, as Taka believes, it will never happen ever, and a resigned Karin realizes the only way anyone will ever revive the Uchiha clan with her one true love is through asexual production. Unfortunately, the only mad scientist—Orochimaru—with dubious ethical standards and skills needed to conduct the experiments needed to bring this plan to fruition is dead, and Karin knows that she will never bear Uchiha babies unless a black hole opens and she awakens in an alternate dimension. She decides to try to settle with screwing Suigestu and/or Jugo on the side until this happens.

Then one morning, Sasuke comes home after being gone all night. This in itself is not unusual, but how Sasuke looks, well, is something entirely new.

Sasuke looks like he has been hit by the struggle bus and then squished by the ambulance when it came it revive him. His hair, usually spiked so carelessly into the shape of a duck's derriere, is slightly smoking, and his clothing is in tatters. Most strangely of all, Sasuke has something in the shape of a  _hickey_  on his pale neck.

(Jugo's birds twitter angrily at the smell. Sasuke's hair is not only singed but also a bit…melted. Well, Sasuke supposes it's time for a haircut; he hasn't gotten one since he caught Karin trying to smuggle chopped-off hunks of his midnight tresses away to unknown lands. He tries not to think what she wanted with it)

"Rough night?" Jugo asks hesitantly.

Sasuke grunts. Karin pouts. Jugo, the sane (relatively speaking anyways) one, wonders what he has done to deserve comrades such as this. Somewhere in the heavens, Kimimaro must be crying.

Suigestu smirks, "I'll take that as a yes."

…

Sasuke decides to take a shower since he doesn't want to deal with people. Thinking about how things exploded (literally—so very fucking literally) with Deidara makes him upset so Sasuke decides to focus on more positive things…like revenge and killing his brother. At this, Sasuke feels a pit in his stomach worse than usual. He wonders why he always feels this pit when thinking about killing Itachi.

Sasuke falls to the floor of the shower and wonders about the state of his life. He decides his long-since deceased father would not approve.

Suigestu cackles in the background, "You mean Ice Princess actually let that blonde Akatsuki pretty-boy get the icicle out of his rear long enough to fuck him? And then Uchiha said the wrong name—Nadtudo, right?— and almost got his pretty ass blown up when blondie took offense?!"

Karin hisses something angrily and Suigestu laughs harder. A thud follows—Sasuke would think their violence is sexual tension if Karin hasn't repeatedly reminded him that just because she dislikes someone doesn't mean she wants to take their clothes off—and Jugo breaks up the argument. Sasuke wonders if they would be so care-free if they knew Deidara died in the post-coital fight. Sasuke thinks of combustibles being thrown at his head like paint for some kind of Jackson Polluck painting and shudders. He doesn't see the art in that.

Killing isn't art. It's dead family, dead friends, and now dead lovers.

Sasuke lets himself cry, tears blending in with the water falling down on his face.

oOo

Sasuke is home and the war is over. Sakura and Naruto grab hold to him like he is an absentee brother saying "Sasuke, another time," and they are clingy seven-years-olds. He thinks he knows how Itachi felt whenever younger Sasuke refused to let go. They surround him, engulfing and using up all the air around him so he cannot breathe.

(Also, Sakura has taken to draping herself across his shoulders like an overfriendly boa constrictor. For some reason, she thinks it is cute to  _ruffle. his. hair._ Sasuke has ended people for less, but somehow he is always sitting there complacently whenever Sakura does it to him)

"Ramen?" Naruto asks.

Sasuke says nothing and stares at the sky. It is drowning-man blue, as blue as Naruto's eyes, as blue as Deidara's. Sasuke scowls and turns his head to look at the grass green and alive as Sakura's eyes. No matter how hard Sasuke looked he never found anyone with eyes like Sakura's.

"Bastard?" Naruto asks again huskily as he leans in close enough into Sasuke's face to kiss, air from his breath puffing out to tickle Sasuke's bangs. Sasuke swallows. He will not break at this treacherous attempt at manipulation.

Sakura , draping herself up against Sasuke and twining her hands in his hair, answers for him, "Yes."

Sasuke twitches and Sakura smile brightly at him. Naruto has been teaching her his bad habits.

 

oOo

_the one that was "no way in hell"_

Sasuke is home, all by himself for the first time since coming back to Konoha. Naruto and Sakura are off somewhere with their friend Karui from Kumo—Sasuke thinks he may have tried to kill her at some point; she hates him for some reason. He feels a vague feeling of guilt at this and decides to have another drink.

The bar is full of pretty couples except for a lone muscular man two stools down. Inner/(Slutty)-Sasuke, who only seems to come out when he is drunk, rates the man around a 5-or-6 on the hotness scale, or normal-people (peasant) level. Sasuke figures if he propositions the man, the man will accept. Sasuke has been called many things, but everybody—and Sasuke means  _everybody_ —acknowledges how ridiculously pretty he is.

(Kabuto once fingered his charka scapel while wondering aloud whether this was a result of a latent kekkei genkei. Then, Sasuke set the laboratory on fire and mentioned that Kabuto had an erection. Orochimaru was not pleased and the next day, upon Kabuto's advice, Sasuke was given his white, nipple-flashing shirt.

Sasuke shivers at the memory. His time in Sound is something he does not like to remember)

Sasuke decides he does not want to go home alone tonight. Besides, Naruto and Sakura will probably spend the night together and Sasuke does not want to be the only one alone.

He walks (staggers actually, but Sasuke is an Uchiha and Uchihas do not stagger) up to lone man and says, "Want to fuck?"

Sasuke has little patience for small talk even for people with whom he is trying to sleep with, so as with everything else in his life, Sasuke is blunt and straight-to-the-point when looking for sex. He has yet to be turned down.

The man (peasant) looks up, and the bar goes silent.

It is that chunin-proctor guy with the sca—scar things on his head—what was his name? Morino Ibiki. _Well fuck_ , Sasuke thinks.

Sasuke thinks back to Deidara and decides he does not make good life choices when drunk (well worse ones than usual; this is saying something, thinks Inner/(Drunkenly Honest)-Sasuke, considering he once thought it was a good idea to attack all five kages at once … ahh adolescence). Perhaps there is such a thing as hitting rock bottom at seven and staying there for over a decade; that would explain quite a few things.

Morino opens his mouth to give what Sasuke knows will be a scathing set-down and Sasuke's mind races to come up with something that will make the situation less—well less awkward.

"I am going to go puke now," is what comes out his mouth. Morino stares.

Sasuke stumbles out of the bar, mentally patting himself on the back for regaining control of the situation.

When he pukes in the toilet, he can almost imagine that is what causes the bitterness at the back of his throat.

…

The next day Sasuke receives a summons from the Hokage Tower for mandatory social rehabilitation. In private, Ibiki tells Kakashi he has encountered the impossible: interacting with someone more socially stunted than a certain former ROOT operative. Perhaps the two poor lost souls can help each other find some degree of normalcy in Ibiki's classes.

oOo

Needless to say, the rest of Team 7 found this hilarious to say the least.

"If you keep on pouting like that, Sasuke, you'll get wrinkles," Kakashi snorts into his porn, "chin up and it'll be over before you know it."

Sasuke snarls, "Forgive me if I don't take life advice from people who read porn in public just to avoid talking to people."

Naruto breaks out into guffaws. Kakashi sinks further into his porn and mumbles something about little shits and his point just being proven.

"Bastard, now that's something I haveta see. You and Sai teaching each other to hold a real conversation with other people without being punched in face, " Naruto crows before learning closer to Sasuke's ear, "Sas-uke-keeh, you can always practice with me if Sai gets too annoying."

Sasuke grunts and considers biting Naruto on the nose.

"Has Sai tried," Sakura pauses and flushes delicately as her eyes narrow, "anything? Like, has he gotten too close? Sometimes he does that because he doesn't know any better, but if you tell him, he'll back up. I know you don't like anyone touching you." At this, Sakura seems offended.

The rest of the meal Sasuke just scowls and says nothing.

The whole time, Sasuke just gives Naruto a stiffened smile like a corpse when he receives his daily ribbing about this over ramen. He ignores how Sakura's eyes linger on him when he leaves to go home early (alone).

oOo

_the one that ended in tears and mental trauma (on both sides)_

Somewhere between biting her to heal his wounds his mouth moves up to her neck and then her mouth. The thrill of battle has turned into another type of thrill. As repressed as Sasuke is, this is the first time he has felt desire outside of drunken—just drunken, for the most part anyways, thank-you very much; Sasuke has tried other drugs and has decided they are too risky— attempts at one-night stands (and using his hand imagining it's either Naruto or Sakura or Naruto—fuck, Sasuke knows he's fucked. Even with the one-night stands, he's imagining it's one them).

His lips move up to her neck and Karin murmurs, "Suigetsu, harder, bite me harder."

"What?" Sasuke says.

"What?" Karin says in response.

They blink at each other in dull surprise.

"I'm sure he'd bite you if you wanted him to," Sasuke offers cautiously, not sure of how to handle the situation without being brained by his teammate whose moods fluctuate more quickly than the attention span of a three-year-old on crack and caffeine pills.

"We almost fucked once and then he told he was sorry he thought he loved me but he was also in love with Jugo; I think I turned him gay," Karin snaps.

"Oh … I think you didn't turn him gay; I mean, technically speaking wouldn't that be Jugo's dick up his ass that turned him gay?" Sasuke comments, falling back on snark since empathy failed. Considering his usual defense mechanisms, this sadly is one of the more healthy ones.

Karin starts crying.

….

If anyone though Sasuke is the most deadly person they had ever encountered, they have never encountered a crying female, Sasuke thinks blearily.

Finally, in desperation to make it stop, Sasuke teaches Karin a version Reverse Harem Jutsu that puts Naruto's most potent one—which involves copious amounts of mayonnaise and azalea bushes as Sasuke shudders to remember—to shame. Three months later, he walks in upon his three former Taka teammates in a position so compromising that it will traumatize him for the rest of his life.

Oh well, at least he can see some of the basis of Hatake's pointed comments to him—honestly, Sasuke has no idea why on Kakashi keeps telling him this anyways—that threesomes solve everything.

oOo

Sasuke does the Reverse Harem Jutsu exactly one more time though he will always deny it to Naruto.

This time Sakura is the one crying—about an addict that had died of an overdose two days after Sakura half-killed herself healing him—and watching her tears is a thousand times than watching Karin's. Seeing as it worked before, Sasuke whips out another handy Reverse Harem No Jutsu. Sakura's eyes stop tearing and glaze over.

"Sasuke-kun, I had no idea that you were into that," she purrs. Sasuke sees the look on her face, fears for what little is remaining of his virtue, and considers the emotional fallout that would happen when Sakura eventually did leave him for Naruto. Taking this into account, he promptly backs away, using a conveniently passing-by Umino Iruka as a human shield. Sakura won't ravish him in front of their old Academy sensei, would she?

In the end, Sasuke is not ravished. He has to pretend not to be slightly disappointed.

oOo

_the one that he pretended didn't happen_

Thanks to a one Morino Ibiki, Sai and Sasuke spend a lot of time together studying social skills and trying not to passive-aggressively murder each other. Reasonably, Sasuke takes this as proof that the gods do have a sense of humor.

Having the commonality that Danzo fucked their lives over and killing their brothers do not mean that Sasuke and Sai are friends. Sasuke just tolerates Sai's presence … sometimes … in small doses … when Sai is not talking … because Sai is the only person Sasuke did not have to fake happy for.

(Because Sai, too, does not know what happy is)

"Your penis is larger than Naruto is," is Sai's pleasant comment during one of their half-hearted attempts at small talk.

Is that a come-on? Why the fuck does Sai always talk about Naruto's penis? Sasuke does not even try to decide because with Sai it is impossible to tell.

Sasuke tilts his head to the side and begins to lean forward to kiss Sai so Sai will shut up and Sasuke can stop thinking about his various inadequacies and the injustices present in the world these days.

"You'd still just imagine I was Naruto if we did this," Sai says blandly before Sasuke's lips meet his own, "or perhaps you'd imagine I was Ugly?"

Sasuke snarls and Sai smiles his empty smile.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sai offers brightly.

Sasuke's face reads " _no, no, no can do_ ," but Sai valiantly keeps trudging forward with the conversation.

"It's okay," Sai announces, "we can pretend this never happened."

"Yeah, okay," Sasuke grunts.

"Do you want to get barbeque before we study coping mechanisms for Morino-san's class?" Sai asks, "afterwards, we can talk about unrequited love and drink drinks until we stop feeling feelings. Ino has been spending more time with Lee-san than me lately, and that upsets me—I don't know why—" Sai paused contemplatively—"Ugly says the reason is because I'm jealous, but she also said she was not jealous at all that time Ino was voted 'Best Hair' and she was voted 'Best Dye Job' on that mission at the beauty pageant—" Sai paused again, looking confused—"Then, I pointed out if her hair was not a dye job, she would pink everywhere and she punched me."

Sasuke nods and reminds himself to tell the oblivious Sai that a) it is not polite, even by lax Sasuke-standards, to ask a girl if the curtains match the drapes, and b) Ino has been trying and failing to seduce Sai for the last two years. Lately, she had been seen plotting with that twit with the overgrown eyebrows the best ways to spread her "youthful love" for Sai from just holding hands to holding (Sasuke shudders) other parts. Also, Lee is currently chasing after (Sasuke shudders even harder) one Mitarashi Anko.

_Love triangles are idiotic_ , Sasuke thinks,  _Sakura and Naruto and I would never do this ever because, even when we're sometimes kind-of casual fucking, it is just Sakura-Naruto and then me, the way it's always been. It's better that way._ A scowl breaks out like a thundercloud on Sasuke's face.

Sai lets the silence ring, but he holds his breath until Sasuke's scowl turns to his usual perfectly blank face. With his limited understanding of human nature, Sai figures since Sasuke has reverted to his usual state that he is just fine.

…

That night Sasuke and Sai, already drunker than barrel of monkeys who had bust into a barrel of Tsunade's finest sake and then left lying around to marinate in the puddles for a week, encounter Rock Lee.

Somehow, Sai's and Lee's firm handshake of greeting turns into a wrestling contest to prove their "youthful love" for their respective lady friend. Sasuke considers telling Sai that Lee's "dango-eating delight of daffodils" is Anko—not the sexually-frustrated, ever-patient Ino. In the end, he decides he is bored and joins in on the fight. He destroys three walls and an entire alleyway and feels  _much_  better.

He ignores the fact that he falls asleep in the fetal position murmuring about how he wants it to end as he is taken to the hospital to have the alcohol pumped out of his stomach.

The next day he receives a letter telling he now has to attend mandatory Alcoholic Anonymous classes in addition to two more months of social rehabilitation. Also, he is required to complete twenty hours of community service with his fellow crime-breakers as well as paying for damages.

The community service, as suggested by Hatake Kakashi, is dressing up as a clown and visiting the pediatric ward of the hospital to entertain colicky babies.

Sasuke sighs at the imminent public humiliation. Such is life.

(Later though, Sasuke realizes, the public humiliation is not the worst part of his punishment. It's the  _worried_  look in Sakura's eyes whenever she looks at him. It's that she and Naruto walk him to and from the missions and never leave his side. Why do they care? Sasuke doesn't care. Why? Can't they see their caring is smothering him? Can't they see he can't breathe?)

oOo

The world feels dizzy, and the rest of Team 7 isn't accepting Sasuke's excuse of he isn't drunk—his legs just aren't working right now. Naruto shoves him up against a wall and snarls. Sakura stands off to the side, for once not trying to act as a mediator in their fights.

"You said you'd stop this shit! Why aren't you talking to us if you have problems, bastard?" he demands. Sasuke scoffs quietly and does not meet them in the eyes. Naruto grabs his shirt harder with one hand and pulls other hand back to form a fist.

"Do I need to make you talk?" Naruto says, voice cracking as Kyubi's timbre takes over. Sakura begins to move forward to stop them, but in the end, it is Kakashi who catches Naruto's fist. Naruto pulls away and growls.

"What do you think you can do?" Kakashi tells the other two, voice cold, "Beat it out of him? Go, I'll deal with this."

Sakura tenses before dragging Naruto away. Sasuke watches as they leave. Sakura's hands rub small circles on Naruto's back. He is leaning his head onto her shoulder.

"Did you take anything other than sake this time?" Kakashi asks tightly. When Sasuke groans and shakes his head, Kakashi relaxes and mutters about small blessings.

"You're an idiot," he states casually as he pulls Sasuke to his feet, "and you remind me of my father."

Sasuke nods sagely (first rule of being drunk, Sasuke has learned, is to act sober and deny everything, especially feelings) and Kakashi sighs.

"Come on, we'll get back to your place and get you cleaned up. We can talk—will talk—when you're sober," Kakashi says, pushing Sasuke's sweaty hair out of his face almost gently. Sasuke is surprised; these days people aren't gentle often. Even Sakura abandoned soft hands for punching through rock ages ago.

The next day, when he wakes (alone), the most hidden of his secret stashes have been replaced with self-help books.  _Ain't no one that gives life advice like Hatake Kakashi_ , Sasuke thinks as he pulls the pillows over his head to muffle out the pounding of his hangover.

oOo

_the one that was so painful it (the truth) hurt_

Sasuke closes his eyes and concentrates on his breathing. The echo of reptilian scales slithering up his skin makes the hair on his arms prickle. After Anko had poured him out a drink and suggested snakes as foreplay, Sasuke had kept his calm and eloquently grunted out, "No … just … no" before jumping out the window.

Now, he is resting on her roof— _not freaking out_ —controlling his breathing and trying not to think about Sound or Itachi or his dead family or anything he did (anyone he killed) during the war. Much to Sasuke's dismay, Anko saunters out to join him.

"You know," she says, "I was just fucking with you about the snakes. I actually asked you over to talk to you…whoah, stop backing up. I'm not gonna bite—not even like that, I'm a taken woman now that I'm with my lean, green sex machine—I just wanna talk."

Sasuke stops backing up but keeps a wary grip on his katana. "About what?" he snaps.

"Ever since you've come back, everyone's glad you're not homicidal or anything, but you're a fucking mess. Even Lee's icy asshole teammate and King-of-Denial Hatake are worried are worried. You need help."

Mitarashi Anko, whose Orochimaru-issues were bigger than Sasuke's own, is telling he needs to get his shit together. Well shit.

"I don't have any problems. If I did, I'd deal with them myself," Sasuke announces. When Sasuke announces things, his words get magic, self-fulfilling qualities—just like when he said, "what I have is not a dream because I will make it a realty. I'm going to restore my clan and kill a certain someone."

And Sasuke has killed his certain someone. It is this promise he has kept out of all the others, out of the so many promises he has broken. Sasuke lets his face go carefully blank the same way he always does when he gets angry.

"Look," Anko interrupts, "you turned traitor, left Konoha, and now you feel ashamed. That doesn't mean that you have to go around like you don't deserve any hel—"

"If you think leaving Konoha is my biggest shame, " Sasuke bites out, "you are a fucking idiot—there's so much more I've done that I don't even feel guilty about that any more. And it's not that I don't think I deserve any help. I don't want any. I just want to be left alone. So leave me alone. I'm fine now that Konoha has decided I'm stable enough to play ninja and kill more people and don't need to be put down like a mad dog. Go away."

"And do you think being alone would make you feel better then?" Anko asks.

Sasuke says nothing.

"I tried that—after Orochimaru—but it didn't work. I ended up overdosing in a gutter because I wanted the memories of what I did—not what was done to me—to go away. I'm not you; you have your brother and Mada-Tobibito to deal with on top of Orochimaru. Maybe being alone would help you. Do you think it would? Do you feel better when you don't have anyone?"

Sasuke still says nothing.

"Do you think you feel that you shouldn't feel angry? Do you feel like you shouldn't feel sad? Do you feel like you shouldn't care? That others shouldn't care? Or is what people say true? Is it true that you have no heart and the only tears you can weep are tears of blood?"

"Fuck you," snarls Sasuke, "there is no way you can comprehend my pai—"

"No way I can comprehend your pain, right? No way I can feel what you feel? You know you're right. Everybody's got their shit to deal with, Uchiha, it's not just you, but you're your own person. No one can feel what you feel just as you can't feel what other people feel. So let yourself feel and don't deny it. Your family is dead and you miss them, so let yourself miss them. You were fucked over and you feel angry, so let yourself feel angry. You did things you aren't proud of, so let yourself guilty—" Anko breaks off, voice cracking,"—just don't deny it. When you deny how you feel, you cut yourself off from everything; you lose yourself and everything you hold dear. Figure out how you feel and then figure out how to do what you want to do. Then, you can stop shutting things out; then, you can live."

"Well, that was inspiring," Sasuke mutters, "did Hatake and Sakura ask you to make sure I didn't drown myself crying tears over my dead clusterfuck of a family?"

"To drown yourself with your own tears, you'd have to cry first, and you're emotionally constipated as they come," Anko shoots back, "also, you really are a snarky little shit, aren't you?"

Sasuke grunts and Anko takes this as the Uchiha acknowledging another human being's existence—in her book's, a victory!

"Come on," she says, "wanna come inside and have some dango? "

Sasuke actually uses real-person words to answer that question. Anko's face splits into a shit-eating grin. Dango makes everything better.

oOo

"Why do you want me?" Sasuke asks one morning as he and Naruto and Sakura stretch out on the grass after a dawn sparring session. Naruto, who is guzzling down water like he's trying to put out a fire in his throat—Sasuke's fireball wasn't even that bad—chokes. Sakura freezes.

(Yamato who is also there for some reason awkwardly clears his throat before taking his leave. As usual, none of Team 7 seems to notice his presence or, for that matter, care about his absence)

"Why are you asking us this? What would make yo—" Naruto breaks off scowling before advancing towards Sasuke the way he usually did when he was angry. Unlike usual though, he did not try to grab onto Sasuke so tight it was as if he was afraid of Sasuke coming apart in his hands.

"I'm not okay," Sasuke says.

Sakura comes closer now and carefully asks, "Sasuke, can we touch you? Just for a moment, just a hug."

"Okay," Sasuke says after a moment. Sakura embraces him from the front, holding him still, as muscled arms encircle him loosely from behind. She strokes the nape of his neck as Naruto presses his nose against his back and breathes in his scent. For once, Sasuke does not feel enclosed and smothered like he can't breathe. Them being close feels just like that—being close to another person.

"You being not okay; that's okay, stupid," Naruto says gruffly, rough hands now stroking softly up Sasuke's sides, "we love you and we'll take you however."

Sakura's hands catch Naruto's hands and she finishes, "Just let us know what we can do to help. Does that sound okay, Sasuke-kun?"

"Okay," whispers Sasuke, "you can let go now."

Naruto rolls his eyes, and Sakura snorts. They stay together like that until Sasuke relaxes into their arms.

oOo

_the one that lasted_

Talking, Sasuke, and other people are sometimes not a good combination; Sasuke knows this. For the most part, he doesn't care because most people are annoying space-fillers that he just needs to avoid walking into and, heavens forbid, talking to. But Sakura and Naruto and Kakashi and others are slowly becoming unlike most people Sasuke knows. They are becoming _his_ people with feelings he cares about and thoughts he wants to know about. And they seem to think that he's  _their_ person that they won't let run away another time.

Having people, for the most part, is nice. Other times, though, are bad, and the people won't go away when Sasuke just really needs to be alone. Right now is one of those times. Sasuke does not need anyone. Sasuke just wants to be left alone.

Kakashi is the only one that understands, but then again Kakashi is the person who spent over fifteen years mourning one dead friend instead of making living ones (of course that dead friend actually turned out to be alive, batshit insane, and had started a world war, but that is entirely different can of Juubi-possessed deathworms). Sakura and Naruto, on the other hand, have never understood this, will never understand this.

After Itachi had died, Sasuke had gotten angry, maybe or maybe not had a nervous breakdown, joined a terrorist organization, and tried to take over the world—a bad move, he now admits—but in his mind, Sasuke had done all of this to create a world Itachi wouldn't mind living in. A world were pacifists and children and pacifist children would not be forced to kill and be killed. Sasuke was stopped from making this world, but he trusts that Naruto (with Sasuke's helpful input) will be able to create this world when he becomes Hokage. Knowing this, Sasuke's despair and hate is gone. All that is left is the lonely, the sad, and the occasional guilt.

Sasuke misses his family and feels bad about trying to take over the world. He wants to talk to Itachi, but Itachi is dead and he wouldn't like to hear about what Sasuke almost became. Now all Sasuke can do is try to honor Itachi's memory.

Sasuke feels like he's doing an okay job. He finally got about-to-retire Tsunade to fire those twatty Council fuckwads and officially reprimand them (though Sasuke doesn't think house arrest for the rest of their lives is much of a punishment when they are old and about to die anyways). At the very least, he got Itachi's name carved in the memorial stone.

This is what Sakura and Naruto don't understand. They always try to drag him back to the newly moved-into apartment where it is light and warm instead of letting him sit out here and keep Itachi company. The only time he gets a reprieve is when Kakashi distracts them by sending them on yet another wild goose chase to find a nonexistent kunai or scroll.

Sasuke settles himself down on cold ground before the memorial stone and resigns himself for another cold night with only Itachi's ghost for company. It is something he looks forward to. The sun fades as Sasuke begins to get hungry. He remembers the sweets stand in the old Uchiha district. He remembers his mother's cooking. Sasuke considers going to the apartment to join Sakura and Naruto for dinner but then thinks better of it. He cannot forget Itachi or his family.

His eyes begin to flicker shut as he begins to doze off, but still Sasuke has three or four more hours before he can return home and slip in unnoticed as Naruto and Sakura sleep. When Sasuke awakens, though, more than three or four hours have passed. He is surrounded by warmth. His head is in Sakura's lap and the rest of his body is covered by Naruto's like a blanket. Sasuke sleepily observes them Naruto is playing with Sakura's hair without being bashed over the head, though this is mainly because Sakura's hands are busy elsewhere. Sakura is  _petting_ him.

Naruto notices that Sasuke's eyes are open and he smirks, "Hey, bastard, you looked all cold up here on your lonesome."

"Hn," Sasuke agrees. Telling Naruto to get off has never worked, and making him get off usually results in a fight…or so much sex Sasuke cannot walk the next day (Sasuke again curses a jinchuuriki's stamina and Sakura's tendency for voyeurism).

Sakura smiles and finishes the flower-braid she is making in Sasuke's hair. She says, "We talked to Kakashi-sensei, and we know being here is important to you. So now it's important to us and we can be here with you if you want. And if you don't want us here with you, let us know and we can give you your space. You  _will_ start taking a blanket and thermos if it's cold out and you  _won't_ stay out all night and fall asleep on the ground—it's bad for your back—okay?"

Anticipating a fight, Naruto warningly presses down harder against him. Sasuke nods in agreement. Sakura's questions are never really questions these days. He considers asking them to leave so he can say goodbye to Itachi for the night without anyone else watching. But he doesn't.

"Bye," Sasuke mumbles to the stone before turning to the other two and saying. "I'm going back to the apartment now."

When he leaves, Naruto and Sakura follow him. It is warm when he gets home. Home, Sasuke thinks, is a strange thing. He didn't really think he'd experience it again. At home, he falls down upon the bed and lets Naruto and Sakura snuggle up against him. He wonders what a slight swell to Sakura's belly would feel like in a few years time; he wonders what pulling the Hokage hat off Naruto's blonde head will feel like whenever that finally happens. Sasuke thinks slowly about his life and smiles.

Home is something Sasuke thinks he can get used to.

oOo

Sasuke has always fucked; he's never made love—never expected to. He thought the whole phrase was stupid. You took the thing you pissed with and shoved it up what she slid children out of or where he shitted out of. Sometimes fucking felt good, but that feeling was fleeting. Fucking didn't equal love; love had been the thing Sasuke had promised himself never to feel again. Love  _hurt. Always. No exceptions._

Now, though, Sasuke is making love or something like that with Naruto and Sakura. He cannot stop himself. His body is surrounded by other bodies and he cannot (does not want to) stop.

He is in Sakura, and she feels so warm and slick that Sasuke never wants to leave. Naruto is in Sasuke, feeling so hot that he brands Sasuke's soul. They are both hanging onto him like they did in old times, before he left. They are saying they love him too. Sasuke does not understand this, but he trusts what they are saying is true. The way they look at him is so tender it's obscene; he wants it never to end.

Sakura is the one that comes undone first, shoving her tongue and then her all into into Sasuke's mouth. Her fingers dig into Naruto's back. "Love you, love you both," she gasps.

Naruto seems like he wants to follow but he keeps thrusting into Sasuke and mutters, "We got you; just let go, Sasuke." It's not Bastard—not now—so Sasuke does as asked without a fight for once. He comes, falling apart and into pieces in their arms. He wonders how he ever got to this point.

Naruto nips at his neck and then bends his head to lap Sakura's lips. He soon releases into Sasuke and slides out of him. The candlelight glows off of Naruto's and Sakura's sweat-slick bodies. Sasuke should probably head to the bathroom to wash off the bodily juices, but he doesn't want to move from them ever. He wonders how he has reached the point where two other people are what keep him together.

Naruto starts to move to pick Sakura up and says, "Come on, babe, you have a shift at the hospital tomorrow; let's get cleaned up. You too, Bastard; you didn't shower after training. You stink."

Sakura groans and rolls back on the bed. Sasuke huffs and knocks Naruto's teasing hands off of Sakura; laughing, Naruto swats at Sasuke's ass in retaliation. Sasuke growls and stomps down on Naruto's instep, knocking him to the floor.

Sakura struggles out his arms and screeches, " _I'm_ going to take a shower; if you two behave, you can join me." She assumes a pose in what is probably an attempt to use the power of boobs to bend them to her will. Her small chest is a-thrust and her hands are on slender hips. Sasuke wonders when ever he thought he could resist.

Naruto leers and starts to stalk towards Sakura, and Sasuke wonders why he puts up with these two idiots. Why? Oh yes, he loves them.

"I love you," Sasuke says. Naruto and Sakura freeze. Sasuke has never said this out loud before.

"Love you too, Sasuke," Naruto says back, voice breaking. It's Sasuke again—not Bastard. Sasuke starts to contemplate this, but he is tackled by two bodies that start placing butterfly kisses on his throat. It looks like the shower is going to be delayed.

Sasuke makes moves to head back towards the bed but soon loses his thoughts as he watches Sakura's lips head south along Naruto's golden stomach. Everything is fine. He is in his  _home_ with his  _lovers._ Sasuke feels something close to happy.

Maybe home, love, and bonds aren't zero-sum games after all.


End file.
